Conversation with a Six Year Old

Jack is still sick, so that meant Jeremy and I were the lone two getting ready for the day this morning. Taking full advantage of my undivided attention, he began:

Him: What if I frow up at school?

Me: You’re not going to throw up.

Him: But what if I do? What if I cough and get a fever?

Me: Then the school nurse will call me and we’ll come get you.

Him: But my eyes hurt. I fink I’m getting sick.

I feel his forehead, just in case… : No, I think you’re okay today.

Him: I fink I had a heart attack last night.

Me: Another one? Wow.

Him: If Jack is still sick then he needs to go back to the doctor for a shot.

Me: Maybe. We’ll see. Please eat your breakfast.

Him: Mom, I need to read you my book.

Me: You already read it to Dad and it’s packed in your bag. Please eat.

Him: Can I watch Star Wars before school?

Me: We don’t have time. Jeremy, please eat. We have to go in a few minutes.

Him: But Mom, I really fink I’m sick. Feel my forehead again.

Me: I already did. You’re okay today.

Him: I can’t burp.

Me: Keep trying.

Him: I have to fart.

Me: Okay.

(He lets one rip, followed by roaring laughter.)

Him: Did you HEAR THAT?

Me: Um, yes. What do you need to do?

Him: Excuse me. What if I have to do that at school?

Me: Then you excuse yourself to the bathroom and do it privately.

Him: But they’ll hear me.

Me: I doubt it.

Him: Mom?

Me: Yeah?

Him: Can you smell that?

– curtain –