I’m home this morning so I can take Jeremy to his flag football evaluation in a few hours, though I still plan on going into work for a little bit this afternoon. This is the luxury of working part time, but yesterday I realized that the sacrifice is still bigger than I anticipated.
Jeremy had a bad day. His behavior towards Amanda was disrespectful and unacceptable. As a result, he lost a slew of privileges, entertainment and otherwise, and right this moment he is writing lines, “I will not argue,” amidst a waterfall of tears.
But last night was the pinnacle of his misbehavior, and perhaps why Jackson’s own defiance as of late: my absence. Jeremy lamented a song of wishing again to live in Georgia, when I stayed home and we gardened together, when his friends were a short drive away and everyone came to his soccer games, when I baked and cleaned and ran the house full time every single day and never left.
It’s not like it never occurred to me, that the training and rearing of my children would become additionally more difficult when I’m out of the home for periods of time throughout the week. In fact, I miss all the things that Jeremy does. But all rules still apply, whether I’m here or not, whether they’re with Chuck or not, and whether they are at school, a friend’s house, or with a babysitter. And when I was home full time, I could tackle every issue immediately instead of hearing about it second-hand and handling it after the storm cleared.
This is not an announcement of my resignation, because I know the last 18 months has been good for me and it’s not my time to leave yet. I am a writer, a person who likes needs to be creative in her own space, and I truly love my job. However, as a mother, I’m reflecting on the decisions I’ve made, how I spend my time when I AM home, and what I can do now to make the future better.
He just finished his line writing and already his attitude is remarkably better. It’s time to ready ourselves for flag football tryouts, and even though I’m still going to work later on, between you and me, I’ve enjoyed the morning at home.