My weird, unsocialized homeschool kids

Here are the top three questions and comments I get as a homeschooling mom:

  1. “Oh my goodness, I could never homeschool my kids!”
  2. “Do you ever get them tested?”
  3. “Aren’t you worried about their socialization?”

For the record, there are plenty of days when I think homeschooling was the wrong choice because it’s too much responsibility. There are days I feel outnumbered, overwhelmed, and inadequate. There are days when my shoulders are up to my ears and I frankly could care less if Jeremy ever learns long division. Calculators are fine.

But, nothing that’s worthwhile is easy, is it?

Secondly, I do test them. Some homeschooling families don’t do tests, but we do for a couple of subjects. It helps me to keep up with grading and to know whether or not to move forward in the curriculum. I understand that people are mostly referencing standardized tests when they ask the testing question, but I have a strong aversion to standardized tests in elementary and middle school. We’ll tackle the SAT and ACT in high school.

Ironman works a puzzle

The third question is the one that usually makes me snicker. I totally get it – trust me, I do. I know the stigma that comes with homeschooling: They must live in their weird little bubble world and only interact with one another, therefore those boys must be paralyzed with fear and insecurity when they go out in public. They must not know how to talk to people or make friends or manage conflict. Those poor homeschool kids probably have no social skills.

Swimsuit shopping

If you know us in real life, you are probably shaking your head with me. Jeremy and Jackson are anything but unsocialized. Never mind our activity in church, summer camps, sports, volunteer work, and strong relationships with other families. Part of the work of homeschooling is taking your kids with you to all the places you might go in a week. They go with me nearly everywhere, so they are always greeting and chatting with adults in stores, doctors’ offices, and other places of business. Early on I taught them about eye contact, smiling, and how to address adults properly. Rudeness is not tolerated. If someone asks, “How are you?” then you must ask him or her the same question in return and listening intently for the answer.

Also, it’s good to remember that your children’s social skills have everything to do with you (the parent) and nothing to do with where they go to school.

I bring this up because we’ve been experiencing something new in the socialization department. There are quite a few kids in our neighborhood now and the boys (particularly Jeremy) have been enjoying playing with them. This is Jeremy’s first experience being with a group of kids on an almost daily basis. (We’ve not lived in a neighborhood with this sort of dynamic before, so it’s been great fun!) For Jeremy, it’s been the cure for summer boredom. For me, it’s been the greatest lesson in socialization.

Since we are a family that talks about everything, Jeremy has brought every conflict and concern to me for advice. (♥) In the last two months, we’ve had many discussions about personality differences, reasons why one child wants to be the ringleader and another is okay to follow. We’ve talked about the challenges of different home lives and why not every kid has two parents. We’ve talked about how some kids carry a lot of burdens and their way of managing involves taking out their anger on others. We’ve talked about the difference between how boys and girls treat their friends. We’ve talked about how to respectfully handle bossy kids, how to encourage shy kids, and how not to let conflict ruin the fun. We’ve also talked about how patterns like these will repeat themselves throughout their lifetime.

Here we are – teaching our kids how to socialize. Instead of being removed from it, we’re all in it. Many times this summer I’ve been thankful to be readily available to hear Jeremy’s concern and immediately talk about it. I’ve loved being able to be outside with Jackson to help incorporate him into the group. Sometimes I’ve taken the “throw them in and let them swim” approach, if only to let them experience conflict and see how they manage it on their own. Other times, I’ve given them the exact verbiage to use when they just didn’t know what to say. Regardless, I’m always watching and listening.

I’m sure there are reclusive homeschooling families, but I’ve never met one. In my experience, they’ve all been bright, boisterous, outgoing, and uniquely sociable. Perhaps, by today’s standards, that is weird.

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