When people decide to start a family, they usually say something like, “Let’s have a baby,” as if having that baby is a contained thing, singular and static.
No one tells you that babies turn into toddlers who turn into teenagers, and then they join the Navy.
Now that the anxiety of Jeremy finishing boot camp has passed, a new measure of worry has crept in, and it’s left me wondering what it looks like to be a mother of someone who doesn’t live here anymore. What’s my role? What am I supposed to be doing? How often should I call or text? Is it weird to ask for a photo so that I can see he’s doing all right?
(It’s probably weird, but I still asked.)
Thanksgiving came and went with the usual gratitude. We have our health, and we have each other, but the day was different from previous years. Jeremy stayed in Texas, and Jackson worked a shift at the theater, which he was pleased to do. Tom Jr. was stayed a couple of days, and Mom came over for a few hours. Chuck hunted, I rested, and then I made a mess of food. Everything was… fine.
But the day looked different, and I’m still trying to figure out what this new normal is supposed to be. In previous years, we would’ve dedicated some part of the Thanksgiving break to chopping down the Christmas tree and decorating the house. We would’ve strung lights in the boys’ rooms and unearthed Timmy the Elf from a Rubbermaid container for a month of mischief. We would’ve watched a Christmas movie by now.
It goes without saying that 2020 caused a lot of upheaval, so taking a break from the usual Christmas traditions was expected. However, this might have been the year that some traditions returned, and now I’m down a kid.
Again, it’s weird.
We are at the tail end of our fall semester, so Jackson and I are chomping at the bit for a long break from school. Chuck is in the throes of hunting season, so he’s seeing a lot of early mornings these days. Jeremy will be starting corpsman school soon, which means he’s still in a holding pattern. Salem is as perfect as ever. Life is trucking along. Overall, we have no major complaints.
But, if someone would let me know what I’m supposed to be doing as the mom of a kid who doesn’t live here anymore, I’d appreciate it.