Did you try out other babies?

There I was, driving down the street and singing my little heart out with the new Killers album when Jeremy pipes up from the back seat.

“Mom?”

I heard him but kind of ignored him because I was really digging the song and wanted to finish the chorus.

“MOM?” He yelled louder. I couldn’t pretend twice so I paused the iPod.

“Yeah?”

“Did you try out other babies?” he asks.

“What do you mean?”

“You know, in the hospital. Did you try out other babies and hold them?”

“Try them out for what?” I ask.

“To make sure I was the right one.”

Wow…

“No, I knew you were the right one even before you were born, so I didn’t have to hold any other babies to make sure,” I say.

“How did you know?” he asks.

“I knew when I met your birth mother that she was carrying my own son in her belly. I don’t know how else to say it. We just knew,” I tell him. It is the honest truth.

“Well, did you try out other babies before Jack?”

“Yeah, did you?” Jackson looks up from his Judy Moody book to join our conversation.

“No, I didn’t try out other babies before you either. I knew with you too,” I say. “As soon as we got the phone call, I knew.”

“I remember when I saw my brother for the first time,” says Jeremy. “He was so little and cute. I brought a little car to play with at the hospital. I’ll never forget that.”

“No, I won’t forget it either,” I say.

A few years ago I made a solid attempt to start writing a children’s book about adoption. It’s still a desire I have but I tabled the effort when I realized I didn’t have the words yet. At the time of my attempt, Jeremy was still toddling around and Jack was an infant. Obviously, they had not yet started asking questions about adoption or birth families, so all of my text were things I’d conjured in my mind – questions I assumed Jeremy and Jackson might ask.

Boy, was I off base! It was wise to table the project indefinitely because every time the subject of adoption resurfaces it is with questions I’ve never even thought of. This is partly why I post the conversations here. Not only do I want to share these chats with others who are curious about how we handle the matter, but I want them on record for when I’m ready to write it down on real paper.