For Jeremy, one of the downsides of homeschooling, as he perceives it, is the absence of friends. Rest assured, our children do have friends. A few live here, a few live elsewhere. We understand the importance of being around their peers and having other kids with whom to connect and play. However, since we have a non-traditional view of “socialization,” Chuck and I have no problem with our boys missing out on recess everyday with stranger kids.
But, Jeremy misses it and I can understand why he feels that way. Yesterday, he brought this up with me.
“I feel like I don’t have enough friends,” he says.
“What’s enough?” I ask.
“I don’t know. A lot, I guess,” he says.
“What’s a lot?”
“I don’t know. You have a lot of friends,” he says. “Like hundreds. You have a ton of best friends.”
“Oh no I don’t,” I say. “There are lots of people I know, and many of them are friends in some way, but I only have a few best friends.”
“Only a few?” he asks, as if this is shocking news.
I point to the framed picture on my shelf taken at my 30th birthday dinner. “See those girls? Those are my best friends. They are like family,” I explain. “And it took years for that to happen. I knew none of those girls when I was nine years old.”
“Well that makes me feel better,” he said. “But do I have any best friends?”
“Sure. I think your best friends are probably Ethan, Alex, Grace and Jake. And Owen is probably a best friend too, even though he’s your cousin. Those are people you’ve known all your life, and no matter where we’ve lived or where we go, those are people you always care about and are happy to see again,” I say. “They are like family. You are loyal to them and care about them. And Dad and I know and love their parents. That’s a big part of it.”
“Yeah, I guess they are my best friends. I just miss playing with all my best friends at my old schools,” he says.
“But were they really best friends? Do you remember their last names or their birthdays? Did they know your last name or your birthday? Maybe they were just recess or lunch buddies,” I say.
Continuing, I say, “Having one or two really great best friends is far better than having 20 or 30 buddies. When life gets hard, buddies aren’t always around, but your best friends will be. Those are the people you need to invest time and energy into.”
“Yeah, cause Ethan and Alex and me are going to live together when we grow up,” he says. “And maybe Grace.”
“Oh, we’ll see about that,” I laugh. “It might be better if Grace is your neighbor.”