It’s an extreme parallel, yes, but I can draw a short line from insecurity to living in a self-imposed prison.
Countless times I’ve kept quiet, not created, even rejected genuine compliments, because the fear of exposing my vulnerability was too great. What will people say if I write this? What will they think if I try this new project? What if it fails miserably? How will I face anyone? And this compliment? They’re just being nice.
For the creative person, this sort of mentality is definitely a prison. It’s what makes me pace the floor, rearrange furniture, snap at the kids, overeat, over-exercise, cry, retreat, binge-watch mindless television, and dwell in a pool of self-loathing. When I have an idea, an itch to make something, and I’m paralyzed by the fear of what other people will think, I stand on the edge of insanity and look for safety nets that have nothing to do with creativity. The fear is too great. The potential for failure is all I see.
Yes, I wrote a novel. No, there hasn’t yet been an agent who wants to represent it. One agent has it in her stack of books “to be read,” but it could be months before I hear anything back. Yes, I’ve started writing a second book, and yes, I’ll query it when it’s done.
BUT. It’s still so scary, and I have other ideas that I want to pursue in addition to the books, but the fear has me transfixed.
Maybe you know what this feels like. It may not be about creative energy but something else just as powerful. How do you handle it? How do you jump the hurdle of fear and overcome the obstacle of rejection?
This is Rumi’s answer:
Sounds like freedom to me.