I was so glad when we were given boys: the first boy in 2003, the second in 2006. Two boys meant we’d never have to deal with self-esteem issues, body image problems, and disordered eating. Sure, we’d have other stuff, but not that.
Boy, was I wrong.
Growing up a chubby kid, and then a very overweight teenager, I was pleased with my emaciated senior high school self. Not only did I drop 85 pounds through disordered eating and excessive exercise, I’d also gained some attention. Boys finally noticed me. People called me pretty. No more did I hear, “You have such a pretty face.” (Which is an insult, if you didn’t know.)
My poorly patterned lifestyle waned halfway through college. I decided not to actively destroy myself anymore. The heart palpitations ended, I stopped being anemic. There were some permanent repercussions, but nothing life threatening. Though the weight I gained back – nearly 30 pounds – was difficult for my brain to process, I just kept telling myself, “This is what’s healthy. This is okay.”
Ah, but it’s never been okay. The body dysmorphia remains. It still haunts. I manage it.
From the first time I started thinking about motherhood, I crossed my fingers for boys. Boys don’t have body image problems. They don’t care about weight and size and the way their clothes rub against their bodies. They are not like us. They are not like girls.
When Jeremy and Jackson came along, I breathed a sigh of relief. We would dodge these demons entirely.
Only recently did I recognize the ignorance in my lopsided reasoning, and by “recently,” I mean in the last five years. As I’ve watched puberty creep onto our doorstep, I’ve been slapped into reality. Body image struggles are not exclusive to one gender. They haunt some and ignore others. Whether we had boys or girls was irrelevant.
This morning I watched a poignant video that reminded me that healthy self-esteem and body image don’t always come naturally. How we respond to our children in this arena – boys and girls alike – can shape who they become as adults. Will we engage in conversation about body image or will we be dismissive? Will we take their worries seriously or will we shrug it off as a phase? Will we watch for signs or assume there won’t be any?
There is also a balance to keep, because whether the emphasis is positive or negative, too much emphasis on physical appearance isn’t healthy.
If you are a parent, especially if you have a son, take seven minutes and watch this video. May it serve as a reminder that insecurity can plague every single one of us.
Might we choose our words carefully.